*(Need a soundtrack for this post? Try Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye)*
You’d think after forty (ahem) years on this earth I’d know pretty much all there is to know about my own body, right? Wrong.
As an avid reader of sacred sexual texts like Tantra, Taoism and Karma Sutra, I thought I was pretty up (or down) with the multitudinous and fascinating functions of my lady bits. However, last night I was discovered information that should be a mandatory part of every person’s sexual education, be they female or male.
Cyndi Darnell, a Melbourne based Sex Therapist and Educator, runs a series of non-sleazy evening adult sex education sessions in non-threatening venues like Melbourne’s famous Hares & Hyena’s bookshop. Last night she presented Female Orgasm, G Spot and Ejaculation to an enthusiastic crowd of about 50 people. When I saw it promoted on Pleasure Forum through Facebook I thought, ACE! Research!
Being a generous sort, I don’t want to keep all the good stuff to myself. So, folks, let me catch you up on what you’re missing. Or perhaps, if you’re one of the lucky ones for whom this experience comes naturally (no pun intended), maybe I can colour in the blanks on what you already know.
Lesson 1: Female sexual anatomy
Did you know that there are four (count them) clusters of nerve endings in women’s genital anatomy? With that number of sexual stimulation points women are natural orgasm machines.
Everyone is pretty familiar with the clitoris (although Cyndi assured us that it’s still omitted from a number of modern medical texts. (I’ll just let that one sit with you for a bit.)
The others include the g spot and the fleshy sponge surrounding the urethra. (I can’t remember the fourth now, but with those three alone you can’t go wrong, as you will see).
Lesson 2: Finding the G-Spot
Most people know about the g-spot, even if they’ve never been able to find it. Cydni’s tip was to press your tongue against the inside of your cheek (stay with me). The smooth feeling is similar to the inside of the vagina. If you then rub your tongue on the area directly behind your front teeth you’ll notice its slight rougher texture. The g-spot feels a bit like that. It’s a rougher surface about 3-4cm inside the front wall of the vagina, easiest to access by someone else if they hook their finger in a ‘come here’ movement.
Lesson 3: Female ejaculation.
Oh, Mama, heaven awaits, but like all godly things, the journey ain’t easy. Cyndi explained that scepticism regarding this phenomena is fading in the face of women’s experience, but there are a number of things that have to align in order for it to happen.
Anatomy. Cyndi explained the theory is that the urethral sponge surrounding a woman’s urethra expands and swells with fluid (like everything else) during arousal, especially if the area is directly stimulated, and here’s the thing - every woman’s anatomy is different. The length of the urethra varies, as does the size of the urethral sponge and its position in relation to the vaginal wall. Aside from the psychological permission issues (which is common in all human sexual experience), the physical structure of a woman’s anatomy has great bearing on how easy or difficult achieving female ejaculation is.
Arousal. Apparently you have to be really, really, really aroused. Not just your every day, let’s get it on, but superdupercalafragilistic hot for it and utterly abandoned.
Hydration. Cyndi’s advice is a woman needs to be well hydrated as she can lose anything from a few drips to a cup of fluid upon ejaculation, especially if she ejaculates more than once. Sorry gals, no booze for Dutch courage. At least not to begin with.
Stimulation. Both clitoral and vaginal stimulation are recommended to achieve the levels of arousal required.
A ‘yes’ mentality. Female experience of ejaculation apparently feels a bit like when you push down to expel urine. It uses the same muscles so mimics that bearing down feeling, which, when you don’t know what’s happening, can be frightening because many women feel as though they might wet the bed.
Cyndi made it very clear that not all women can achieve ejaculation, but it’s well worth having a go. Just don’t let your expectations ruin the experience, because ultimately it’s all about the pleasure journey, not the end result. All it takes is practice, knowledge and patience – but you will need all three.
Cyndi’s approach to educating is straight forward, humorous and informative. She’s not afraid of any question, no matter how personal, strange or challenging. Her relaxed and embracing attitude to sex makes her presentation a comfortable experience for everyone in the room. I went alone and didn’t feel at all self conscious or weird. For me the evening can be summed up in a fabulous Cyndi quote:
‘Our bodies are capable of extraordinary amounts of pleasure if we give ourselves the permission to feel it.’
For Twitter feed on Cyndi’s Female Orgasm, G Spot and Ejaculation search hashtags #wordisout @ecstasyfiles #ladypleasure @clementine_ford #femaleorgasm @harlotoverdrive